Lighting a Candle in the Darkness

By Tony Ferrante

Advent is defined by Miriam Webster’s Dictionary as, “1 : the period beginning four Sundays before Christmas and observed by some Christians as a season of prayer and fasting.” Many people traditionally light candles on an Advent Wreath in order to commemorate their passage of time as they await the arrival of Jesus.

But Jesus is always with us. He’s not laying in wait for Christmas to come so that He can make a grand entrance. I have come to look upon Advent as the period of time when I’m forced to look up from my life, and light a candle in the darkness.

We all have our trials and tribulations. The Human condition always seems to throw situations at us that cause darkness to creep into our minds, hearts, and souls. If we dwell on the negatives we run the risk of living merely to survive, not thrive.

Advent is when I’ve learned to try and remember to look at Christmas through a child’s eyes. Their pure joy for the season is my inspiration to light the candle and chase away the darkness.

Years ago I was seemingly at the bottom of a well, content to live in the darkness and grudgingly involving myself in the Holidays, if at all. Years of working in public safety, restaurants and retail had made the Holiday Season my least favorite of the year. I was assured to be overworked, underpaid and dealing with horrible attitudes from customers and employees on a daily basis. And the soundtrack to this turmoil was always the constant playing of Christmas Carols on the PA systems at my place of business. I came to associate the sound of Christmas music with getting my brains beat out at work. I vividly remember once changing my nametag at work so that it read “Ebenezer Ferrante.”

The first Advent celebrated in a new apartment after my divorce promised to be a dark and lonely Christmas. I missed my children horribly and had decided against decorating at all. They’d only be with me every-other weekend anyways, what was the point? Well, Jesus was there beside me after all, and He had different plans.

I picked up my children for our weekend together. Alexis was 6. Anthony was 10. And Angelica was 12. As soon as they got in the car they started begging me to put on one of the radio stations that was playing Christmas carols 24/7. I resisted, saying that I didn’t really like Christmas Carols. They groaned, complained, and then each of them explained why they love Christmas carols so much.

“It always makes me happy when I get to hear these songs. I know that Jesus is coming.”

“I love this music because it makes me think about our family, and love and great food.”

“I never get to hear these songs until now, and it’s my favorite time of the year.”

Through the graces of the Holy Spirit I actually heard and understood for the first time in a very long time. I’d allowed myself to dwell in the darkness, refusing to light a candle to show me the way. I was 38 years old and somehow I’d allowed this wonderful music to have negative connotations when I heard it. But my children were experiencing only their 4th, or 8th, or 10th true Christmas season in their lives. Everything was still new, unblemished and joyous in their eyes. The wonder and beauty of the Advent Season was as fresh as unbroken morning snow.

On that brief car ride my life was changed. I lit that candle in my heart and the light warmed my soul. We decorated my little apartment that weekend and sang every Christmas carol we heard on the radio. When they were gone for two weeks I felt their warmth in my heart as if they were right there beside me.

Christmas is a horrible time for depression, loneliness, and anxiety. When I look at an Advent Wreath today I pray that the candles being lit signify that someone out there who is mired in darkness has just had a candle lit in their lives and they can feel the warmth, comfort, and strength of the love of Christ.


(photo by Nate Craze, Lillian's husband, taken on an early morning hunting trip in the wilds of Nebraska.)